5 Things To Remember

Posted on October 11, 2012 Updated on October 11, 2012

So in a previous post,  I was talking about how the means for communications are varied nowadays, but communication failure is still one of the reasons why #RelationshipsFallApart. So I compiled a few notes to remember when one wants to communicate successfully;

1) Communication is a two-way process. There’s a joke where one man says, “I haven’t spoken to my wife for years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” This shows how communication can be a one-way street for some, with the woman doing all the talking and the man doing all the nodding on (or nodding off). So make sure that a conversation is balanced, and try to have both sides voice their opinions.

2) Answer their “WII-FM”. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard about this acronym, but it usually stands with “What’s in it for me?” When you try to speak to someone, it’s very easy to start with yourself (your wants, your needs), but the best way to engage someone is to actually focus the attention to them. Make them feel important. Let them talk about themselves, and after leaving your company, they’ll be like, “I guess I like that person” (Even if they are totally clueless about you since all that did was talk about themselves!)

3) Do not charge your fighting mode and switch it on before a conversation. This happens when you hear something about your friend/family/spouse, and it pisses you off, you tend to start making assumptions and connecting dots that don’t exist, charging your anger to the red-zone level so you can attack them the moment they come in. There’s an arabic saying that says, “Give your brother seventy excuses…” and keep telling yourself “Maybe he meant no harm, maybe he didn’t know….” Also give them a chance to explain before you start attacking. There’s a quote that says, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

Remember that anger is from the devil and in the sunnah of the prophet (PBUH) there are actual steps that can be taken so a person would feel less angry(would write a separate note on that).

4) Search for the perfect timing to say something. Not everything can be said all the time. Most of us learn that by trial and error as kids; if we want something from our parents, we know that they have to be in a good mood or it would be a sure ‘No’. Also don’t try to discuss a life-altering decision in the elevator or just before the other person rushes off to work. And sometimes if you want  a quick answer, don’t give someone an open-ended time slot as they could dilly dally in all. So be smart and choose your timing well, though that doesn’t always work…..

Once I had to ask a professor a “quick question” but he was the type who doesn’t give “quick” answer, so I went to his office just before he had a class (hoping he’d answer me and tell me he had to go), but then he said, “Well you know that I don’t have a quick answer, and I have a class to prepare for so pass by later….”

5) Volume. Last but not least, you can say the right message at the right time, but then the whole conversation breaks down because the volume of your voice is wrong. Someone might perceive it the wrong way thinking you’re shouting at them when in reality you can’t really hear yourself probably because they’ve got earphones plugged on.

So these are 5 things to remember while communicating, and last but not least, remember the Hadeeth,