Month: October 2012
A sudden sandstorm hit Abu Dhabi today a little after 3 pm. Suddenly the view got clouded by dust as shown in the pic above. As usual, people on Twitter are starting to make jokes like @Tomgara who said “Big sandstorm now in Abu Dhabi. They paid like 10 bn $ to bring the prestigious New York hurricane here, help put the city on the map.”
Interesting enough, the Hurricane in New York is called Sandy, so shall we call our “SAND”storm SANDy as well.
Allah y3een aljamee3 everywhere and for people in New York, Stay safe.
So I’ve been doing some research for one of my story, and I was trying to recapture how life was in 2001, since that was when the story began. So I figured, what better way to do that than to retrieve one of my diaries, and voila! I skimmed through a few pages, I just couldn’t get myself to read slowly because it’s just painful going through a fifteen year old’s rambling diary about over-dramatic you-might-think it-was-apocalyptic friendship problems. I also found the entry on Sep/11.
It’s quite interesting though, keeping a record of some of the silly stuff because they highlight deeper issues. For instance, take a storyline that’s so common it’s almost cliche. A tells me something about B but tells me to keep it to myself, then while arguing with B, I get so angry I say something like “I know about the XYZ story”. That freezes B who tells me, “Who told you?” But then it doesn’t take detective work to figure it out because there are only three other people who know and apparently the version that I got from A is different from the version the others have, so B figures out it was A. Later on, A and B get into a fight, which I suspect but I made A promise not to tell B it was me who let the secret out, but then in the heat of the moment, my name accidentally slipped out, and the whole thing “exploded”.
Going through it now, it seems silly, but it highlights an important topic…”Trust”. Personally I’ve always had trust issues maybe because I knew I couldn’t be trusted myself since I had a bad habit of keeping written documentation about….everything. But then having grown up with people like those mentioned in Double Faced, Double Sweet and Losing Your Person, trusting people just becomes harder by the day.
Another thing that helps is the fact that life taught me not to depend so much on people because they have a great tendency to hurt,disappoint, take advantage. So when I decide to trust someone, I tend to take responsibility of trusting them, and trust them at my own risk. If they betray my trust tomorrow, I decide it was my fault, and I’m usually more careful the next time, because human beings are just human beings. In the end, they will make mistakes, so the question is, will you happen to be the person paying the price?
And it’s funny how the people I trust are those who are mostly introverts, and they move in different circles. By ‘different’ I mean their normal social circles are geographically different – sometimes in different continents – so even if they know something about me and tell it to a third person,the third person normally has no clue who I am anyway, so it’s just a random story about a random person being told to another random person.
But they say that trust is an important building block for meaningful relationships. The moment somebody trusts another with their hearts, they become highly vulnerable. It becomes a risk. So with just any high-risk venture, deciding whether to trust somebody with something – or not – should be carefully studied with their mind, and girls especially shouldn’t let their emotions get the best of them. Trust is also pretty known to be fragile. Like a vase, the moment trust is broken, one can attempt to glue the pieces together all they want but it will never be the same again.
The other day my favorite cuzo and I were discussing a certain type of personality that has sadly infiltrated the Kemeni society in Mombasa; “The Double-Faced and Double Sweet” . This personality is sadly discovered only after their dagger has been sent through your back (figuratively) so this made us conclude that sometimes it’s better to avoid all people and be safe than sorry.
So the “Double Faced and Double Sweet” person is someone who goes out of their way to be nice to you, they’re the sort of people who will give you a ride when you need it, or welcome you to their homes with open arms. They tend to tell you, “If you ever need anything, just let me know.” So you trust that person enough to share meals with them, and to visit their house, and to open your own house to them, but you don’t know that all of your interactions with them are not only recorded, but also criticized and distributed behind your back. Whatever secrets you told them are shared with others, and laughed at with others. Just like they take the extra effort to help you, they also take the extra effort to ruin your reputation behind your back.
So the other day I was wondering why people do that? You know they say that even criminals justify their heinous crimes to themselves, so the double-faced and double-sweet should be able to justify their actions to themselves or they wouldn’t be acting that way. Why do they waste their time pretending to be your friend, if they don’t particularly like you or approve of you? The theory I have is that maybe they’re just the sort of people who need others to step on, and feel better than, so that they take the one or two steps above in society. Being really close to you is necessary so you’d feel comfortable around them and trust them with your personal secrets. So basically, they take you as a good friend, learn all your faults, so they can go to other people and say, “See, I’m better than that person. I know her and here are her faults.” If the faults are true then they feel good about themselves for “being better people” (In society’s eyes). If the fault does not exist, then they could make stuff up out of jealousy because they still want to defend their position on the pedestal of society. It’s like, they become so desperate for validation that this is their only way of getting it, by making their own friends look bad.
And it’s sad to see old Kemeni women falling under this category because the question would be, aren’t they teaching their children that it’s okay to stab their friends in the back?
Allah yihdeena wa yihdi iljamee3.
That’s it for today.
P.S. I am not talking about anybody in particular, but be on the lookout for people like this…
There are times when I feel society molds us into encompassing ourselves with deception, deception so deep that even we begin to believe it ourselves. Think of the people we smile to just because we have to, the people we call “dear” or “habibty” just because we’re expected to. Society teaches us to sugarcoat and mince words, because that’s what it takes to fit in. People should never be hurt by us, and if the truth would hurt them, then the truth should be buried.
Think of a really beautiful world where honesty seriously reigns. How much easier would it be when we do not need to refrain from saying some things just because we are worried how the other person would react?
I’m not talking about outright lying over here, but about avoiding the complete truth. Take a woman who can’t always let her feelings show in front of her husband because she hates it when he scoffs them off. So she keeps everything inside and the buildup of emotions eats her up bit by bit until one day she explodes, or implodes.
Deception takes another form that’s more common here in the UAE. Take the family that’s sinking under an avalanche of debt because they have to buy a specific car, rent a specific apartment and send their children to a high-end private school they can’t afford. We all know that living in debt is really bad, and yet we end up doing it to keep up appearances. Would those people whose approval we seek ever help us with our debts if things get really out of hand?
There’s a quote that says people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t like.
In a Quibblo.com poll, someone asked whether people would prefer truth or dare, and out of 408 responses, this was the result.
Someone might argue that many people enjoy dares because they’re more fun, but what if they were just afraid of the truth? What if they were just afraid of letting people know their deepest secrets, and untold stories? It’s not easy opening up to people and being very honest to them, because it makes us vulnerable. It weakens us in a way.
So we’d rather wear cloaks and masks, and hide in a world of deception. Yet, it’s not always our exterior that can be covered in deception and dishonesty. Because just as Richard Bach said, “The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves.”