As strong as your weakest point

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Dear Friend,
The day started out well. I could tell by the smile playing on your lips. Even though it was small, the spark in your eyes showed that it was genuine. You’ve been busy, engaged with life enough to forget your pain. But then you met someone who said something, and whatever dam that has been keeping the sadness at bay broke and your feelings gushed back to overwhelm you.
You need to remember that you are as strong as your weakest point. And your weakest point is that you want everybody to like you. But we live on planet Earth with human beings who have on average a hundred billion neurons in their brains. How these neurons connect with each other depends on a person’s individual experience in life, and that results in people having traits spanning the entire spectrum. So start from the position of knowing that not everybody will like you and not everybody will agree with you in everything and not everybody has your good interests at heart, but that’s okay.
And because there will be different people in your life, some of them would be toxic and they would say things out of ignorance and insensitivity that would cause you immense sorrow. It’s easy to say that you will avoid them, but avoiding them is not always feasible because sometimes relationships are more complicated than they seem. So the easiest thing to do is put up boundaries. Define rules pertaining to every relationship; how vulnerable you’ll allow yourself to be around them, how much time you will spend with them, what areas of your life you will allow them to advice you about, and what areas are off-limit, what topics to discuss with them and what are your expectations of them.
The thing is, no one – absolutely no one – has the right to take your happiness away, especially when you don’t have much of it to start with.
So never give someone that kind of power.

Light Trumps Darkness

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Dear Friend,
               Every day you wake up with this hole in your chest; an ever-expanding pit in that place where blood gets pumped around your body. Depression is a horrible feeling. It is that sticky black residue that remains after all hope has evaporated from your life. It’s hard to imagine happier days down the road because the thing with this ‘D’ feeling is that it gives you a sense of permanence to everything. Like nothing’s ever going to change. And ‘ ever’ is a word not to be taken lightly.
                I look at you and see parts of you die on the inside. It’s like I have an aerial view of a well-let city and then the power starts going off, one block at a time. God know in my heart, I wish I could switch the power back on, one block at a time. Make you realize that even though there’s been some darkness in your life, the time period was so small, it was inconsequential, like the seconds after the power goes out and before the back-up generator kicks in.
               I wish I could make you open your eyes wider and see there are still people out here who love you and care about you. Maybe they’re not the people you want them to be, but they’re the people you need them to be. And I wish you could see yourself through their eyes, our eyes, to see how much our lives have been made richer by your presence.
              I know your initial reaction to this dark fog inside is to shut out the world. But shutting out the world will not make this chasm in your chest any smaller. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed. It’s hard to put one foot in front of the other. It’s hard to open the blinds and let the sunlight in. But you’ve got to do it.
             Because light trumps darkness.
             Every. Single. Time.

Choosing to hide your heart

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It’s hard when you go through life having to hide your emotions, stuff them into your heart so nobody would see them, raise your voice to drown out the voice inside your head. Maybe it’s because you were raised that way, raised to show the world that everything is okay, because any crack in the facade would make others think you’re weak. Or maybe it’s because you are too scared to acknowledge what you feel because you can’t deal with the repercussions. Or maybe it’s because you realize that nobody can really help you with what you’re going through so why give others ammunition to use against you now (by making fun) or in the future (by blackmailing you)?

And so you keep on stuffing your heart until it’s full. And hope that one day everything you’re feeling will disappear and you’ll get  the chance to start afresh. But do you? Can you? Really. Nothing really goes away. And you are faced with the repercussions anyway; of suppressing everything.

It’s hard when you go through life choosing to barricade your heart and hide your emotions. Because in the end of the day, it’s a choice you’re making. Sometimes other people factor into that choice because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. And you know it’s really safer that way. For everyone involved.

Except you maybe.

But does that matter?



Do you suffer from control issues?

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So I was trying to work on converting a results image from a linux-based form to jpg and the result was something like this.  I am not sure what the actual image is supposed to look like but I know that this is not it. To tell you the truth it made me think of shooting stars for some reason, and suddenly I found myself on this blog.

Today I find myself reflecting on matters of the heart. The other day I was watching a video of an open-heart surgery and I was mesmerized. Of course, my reaction would have been different if there wasn’t a screen between me and the patient’s open chest since blood makes me queasy. But I thought of how little control we really have over our own hearts, let alone our own lives. When the heart beats normally, we tend to take it for granted. We eat all the wrong things and don’t do enough exercise to take care of it. We don’t really think much about it, and whether or not we’re letting it strain with the effort of carrying our weights around. But if God forbid, the heart’s beats start to change and turn erratic- racing, skipping beats or fluttering – suddenly all attention turns toward to it. Crash carts start rolling, defib pads and paddles get prepared for that heart in distress.

And naturally, I remembered this Hadeeth


So whenever you feel like your control issues are getting the best of you, just close your eyes and listen to your heart. Let it remind you that there’s little you can actually control.