Her name? It doesn’t matter. Her story? She got married under the impression that the man was single. But it turned out he had a wife. And a child. While the ease of travel has opened up opportunities for people to go and work in other countries, it has also given young men an excuse to fill up their four-wife quota as they claim; “You don’t expect me to be alone when I’m there…”
And because the second and third wives are from a country different than the guy’s headquarters, such women enter marriages completely oblivious to the existence of the first family.
I’ve heard this story so many times in our Kemeni community, and at some point, I thought it was one of those stories that would die in the post-Facebook generation (since people’s personal lives are everywhere). But the latest victim I know of is five years younger than me, and it seems guys are getting smarter and deactivating their facebook accounts when they’re planning to extend their families. Which makes me wonder one thing.
Is honesty dead?
The fact that guys can actually do this without being held accountable for their actions infuriates me. Where is society to make this behavior stop? Unfortunately mothers of men like this end up taking his side, in the worse case scenario, aiding and abetting, and in the best case scenario saying with a resigned sigh, “What can we do? Boys will be boys.”
The least the mother can do is tell the family of the second wife-to-be that her son is already married but then again we can’t always blame the mother because it’s . When did honesty become so hard? But no. Because boys fear rejection, they keep that hidden until it’s too late for the girl to run, and then they go,
“Oh, by the way, meet my wife. And kid.”
Honesty is not a virtue that needs to be celebrated and applauded because it is a virtue that needs to be the norm so it’s quite a shame when people go around building entire households on dishonesty. If the guy can’t think of his wives’ feelings once they discover the truth, the least he could think about is what he’s teaching his children….
I know I haven’t been keeping this blog updated recently. It’s not that I’m out of ideas. My head is usually full of half-baked ideas that if you tip it over, many of them will spill onto the floor and make my room look like a child’s nursery with toys all around. I don’t usually know where to start, but I’ve got to start somewhere. So here it goes; the one word (or one phrase) resolution. You know how productive people tend to make resolutions at the beginning of every year. Well lazy people like myself tend to enjoy a new spin to this whole resolution business. We make a one-phrase resolution. As mentioned earlier, a resolution is like a promise you make to yourself. In the footsteps of those who made the 2 in 1 hair shampoos, many people mix their goals and resolutions in fancy phrasing and add them to a list – that eventually gets lost somewhere. To emphasize, goals are targets that you are supposed to reach. While resolutions are decisions you resolve to make. So losing 5 kg would be a goal, while exercising frequently would be a resolution.
But the one-phrase resolution is a brilliant idea. It’s just a motto that you decide to live by for that entire year. Or month. My friend’s motto last year was ‘healthy lifestyle’. Sticking to it made her eat more proteins, and less carbs. It made her exercise more and eventually lose weight. What it did not do is put walls and confine her. And since it was made of two words only, and was as generic as it could be, it was easy to remember, and more importantly, to live by.
In The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin had a motto for each month, and while she did have a list of resolutions to achieve under each motto, lazy people like myself could just skip that part. So for instance, some of Gretchen Rubin’s motto were:
-January: Boost Energy
-February: Remember Love
-May: Be Serious About Play
Possible one-phrase resolutions to live by could be: “Take more risks”, “Do it scared”, “Journal More” and “Build Self-Esteem”. And while it is true that self-help experts would emphasize on setting up more SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-based) goals, but if that has never worked with you, you could give the one-phrase resolution a try and start from there. The ultimate goal is to look back a few months from now and realize you’ve grown and become better (smarter, braver, healthier, kinder)….
That’s all folks!
Sometimes we’re scared of silence. We’re scared of silence because it amplifies the voices in our heads. The voices that whisper of a nostalgic past or an unknown future, of wings clipped by circumstances outside our control, of fears born out of ashes of disappointments. Sometimes the silence scares us and so we try to fight it. We cover ourselves in a shawl of busyness hoping the silence would go away but it doesn’t. Because it knows it’s important. It’s needed to let the truth within you emerge, and so it lurks in the backgrounds. Waits for you to switch off the beside lamp and then jumps at you with its best friend; the truth. The truth of who you are and what you are, when the lights all go out and you’re all alone with your thoughts. Scientists think we’re only starting to understand this big mystery called the Universe. Yet I realize there’s another big mystery we’re only beginning to understand -if at all- and that is ourselves.
Good night – or morning