You tell yourself not to be too happy, to repress everything. Don’t go so high dear, so you won’t get hurt when you fall. But it’s not a relative thing, this emotion thing. When the worse day of your life comes and you experience a huge loss, it doesn’t really matter how high you used to be…where you were the day before or the month before that in fact….when you lose something, it hurts…it hurts so bad you will wonder how it is physically possible for your heart to hold so much pain and not run out.
The blogger at “Cakes, Tea and Dreams” wrote a beautiful quote on grief from “The Royal We”, “I remember understanding what a brutal thing it is to be the bearer of truly bad news – to break off a piece of that misery and hand it to other people, one by one, and then have to comfort them; to put their grief on your shoulders on top of all your own; to be the calm one in the face of their shock and tears. And then learning that relative weight of grief is immaterial. Being smothered a little is no different than being smothered a lot. Either way, you can’t breathe.”
The only thing you need to remind yourself is that it’s human. It’s all too human to feel. And maybe now you may feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, and there’s no such thing as hope and you’re on a roller coaster that’s going down, but you need to put one step in front of the other. I know the most default reaction is to be paralyzed but whether you like it or not, you need to take action. Because if emotion is energy in motion, then motion helps mold it.
That’s it for today.