Dear Single ladies – part 2

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A friend of mine was talking about how lonely she is for being 29 and still single in a society where you turn into a spinster by age 23. She ended her post by saying,
“Everything is in Allah’s will, I understand but I can’t run away from the lonely feelings, the need to be cared for. Am still a human, and still a woman – I can’t run away from my hopeless feelings. I just hurt- and hide behind the masked face of being empowered.”

The words were really powerful but they really made me think of people who are at the other end of the spectrum, those who got married young and have half a dozen kids to take care for. Though I do not have direct quotes, but when they speak, they speak of not having any “me” time, of how they can’t do what they like to do because of a domineering guy, of how their movements and day plans are controlled by someone other than themselves.
So while the author of castle of words says she wants to share the long walks on the beach with someone she calls her husband, what if she got someone who doesn’t even like to take a walk (let alone take a walk at the beach) because their feet keep on sinking in the sand. I’ve seen women whose personalities have been shredded because of their husbands so they can’t even recognize who they are anymore, and there are those who are just sooooo tired of things demanding their attention that they just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and disappear. There are those who are going through the pain of discovering that their beloved husbands had been sooo loving, his love encompassed more than one wife, and there are those who don’t know how to talk to their children about a separation looming around the corner, and there are those who fall victim of domestic violence and there are those who are stuck in a loveless marriage just for the children, and there are those who had to bury their children because of a madman who entered a school with a gun or a mad president who just doesn’t want to let go of his chair (Syria).
So yeah, when you start looking at things in perspective, what single women go through isn’t so bad. Single women can take the edge off the pain of loneliness with a list of achievements that sees us move forward. I learnt all that by watching my single friends who yearn companionship as much as any other girl, but know better than to sit in bed, crying in self pity over romance movies while wolfing down a gallon of Baskin Robbins; young women who launched home businesses and keep on taking it to the next level, young women who volunteer to help orphans, those taking lessons to learn new skills and languages, those taking care of elderly parents and those who utilize their time to meet new people and go new places.

Sorry for the second post today but I couldn’t help responding to Castle of Word’s post, which I can’t link right now considering that I’m posting this through my phone.


5 thoughts on “Dear Single ladies – part 2

    amirajammy said:
    December 18, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Amina, why when a person says they want marriage we quickly give the negative. There are happy couples out there! I have seen, why can’t I wish for myself like them. Its possible to get what I desire, each person is different. Maybe I will get maybe I wont but at the moment will look into positive relationships/marriage.

    chesblog said:
    December 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    And I also know of a friend who had all that but committed sucide because she was lonely. she volunterred, learned to play the guiter, travelled but in the end being alone was just too much for her. so its not always so clear cut.

    amirajammy said:
    December 18, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    At chesblog omg! Suicide! Thats scary! Hope I dont reach that stage.t

    chirine said:
    December 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    ya i know that lonely feeling, its very bad. especially after breakup- the hole is bigger than before. You can fill all your day & time & still feel it. coupled ppl not enjoying their marrriage envy us, but do they know how we feel? anyways, kello rez2a w naseeb. but ya that feeling can grow & eat u up. saying & al7amdulillah & helping others help. at least u didnt get stuck with a bad person afterall (as for life), so Amina means look at the good side, and we still have a chance (but i support bullied/abused married ladies also breaking up to get another chance unlike he society’s standard of tolerating a very painful person, if really intolerable

    Hector S. Bryant said:
    January 5, 2013 at 4:17 am

    While a bossy and domineering woman might be fun for something short term or for an alpha man’s harem, these women are extremely bad for a long term relationship because frankly, they’re too damned difficult to put up with for any length of time. After 40 years old, such characteristics become very difficult to de-program, regardless of Game applied.

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