Day: December 18, 2012
A friend of mine was talking about how lonely she is for being 29 and still single in a society where you turn into a spinster by age 23. She ended her post by saying,
“Everything is in Allah’s will, I understand but I can’t run away from the lonely feelings, the need to be cared for. Am still a human, and still a woman – I can’t run away from my hopeless feelings. I just hurt- and hide behind the masked face of being empowered.”
The words were really powerful but they really made me think of people who are at the other end of the spectrum, those who got married young and have half a dozen kids to take care for. Though I do not have direct quotes, but when they speak, they speak of not having any “me” time, of how they can’t do what they like to do because of a domineering guy, of how their movements and day plans are controlled by someone other than themselves.
So while the author of castle of words says she wants to share the long walks on the beach with someone she calls her husband, what if she got someone who doesn’t even like to take a walk (let alone take a walk at the beach) because their feet keep on sinking in the sand. I’ve seen women whose personalities have been shredded because of their husbands so they can’t even recognize who they are anymore, and there are those who are just sooooo tired of things demanding their attention that they just want to crawl into a hole somewhere and disappear. There are those who are going through the pain of discovering that their beloved husbands had been sooo loving, his love encompassed more than one wife, and there are those who don’t know how to talk to their children about a separation looming around the corner, and there are those who fall victim of domestic violence and there are those who are stuck in a loveless marriage just for the children, and there are those who had to bury their children because of a madman who entered a school with a gun or a mad president who just doesn’t want to let go of his chair (Syria).
So yeah, when you start looking at things in perspective, what single women go through isn’t so bad. Single women can take the edge off the pain of loneliness with a list of achievements that sees us move forward. I learnt all that by watching my single friends who yearn companionship as much as any other girl, but know better than to sit in bed, crying in self pity over romance movies while wolfing down a gallon of Baskin Robbins; young women who launched home businesses and keep on taking it to the next level, young women who volunteer to help orphans, those taking lessons to learn new skills and languages, those taking care of elderly parents and those who utilize their time to meet new people and go new places.
Sorry for the second post today but I couldn’t help responding to Castle of Word’s post, which I can’t link right now considering that I’m posting this through my phone.
So it’s the peak of the wedding season, and I was stuck in yet another wedding this weekend if you’ve been following my twitter timeline. Nowadays I started to make use of weddings as they provide me with deep insight into the social behavior of people. Besides the fact that I utilize the time to get in touch with people through whatsapp (used to be bbm before I got rid of it). So this weekend the clamor from the stereo was too loud, I refrained from communicating verbally with anybody (I was on the ‘smile and nod’ mode). The thing is, I hate having to scream over the noise to be heard, let alone screaming under the noise because chances of that occurring were pretty high.
Anyhow, so I sat around watching how people were actually ‘talking to each other’ and it was quite fascinating. It made me think, how can they even hear each other speak? Until it dawned on me; maybe they don’t hear each other speak.
I mean, think about it, most people would rather talk than listen, and this is the perfect opportunity for them to talk without having to listen to what the other was saying because it was just too noisy.
So anyhow, this wedding was perfect because by 10.30 pm we were out the door (actually, to be more accurate, “We were out the tent flap.” )People who organize weddings in this part of the world need to do that more often; release people by 10.30 by feeding them earlier. Some weddings go all the way to midnight, and organizers need to consider that people still need to drive for 30 minutes to 2 hours if they live in another emirate. Plus they also need to think about how difficult it is to find parking at night. What saves us sometimes is that we live next to a hotel that has parking space, so we could get parking space that was emptied at about the same time by someone who was attending (yet another) wedding in that hotel.
Some people might say, “But it’s just one night when you’re going to reach home late.”
But this ‘just one night’ would get translated to a 100 nights per year considering how complex our society’s connections are. In some cultures, wedding attendees go up to 200. In our culture, it goes upto a 1000 because friends of family, family of friends, neighbors of family, family of neighbors, and just about any combination of “friends, family and neighbors” you can possibly think of. Plus we run in a lot of circles that are not only limited to Kemenies but can extend to Yemenis and Emiratis.
If you’ve been following this blog for long enough you probably would know that I am not a big fan of weddings. Being an introvert, I hate the crowd, the noise, and just about everything about it. I feel people put so much attention into the details of the wedding, they stop focusing on the marriage itself.
I wonder what the results would be if somebody conducted a study to know how much people waste annually to attend and arrange for weddings, by considering the cost of dresses that would be worn only once, the time wasted driving to and from the place, the food that would go to waste…among other things.
That’s it for today