Relationships Worth Fighting For?

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The other day I read a very interesting quote on my twitter feed. Somebody had posted, “You fight with the most important people in your life because those are the relationships worth fighting for.”

It made me think, how true is that statement?

Think about it. When two people find themselves in a heated argument, screaming angry words at each other about how “you are wrong, and I am right” does that necessarily translate to being dentrimental to their relationship? Or could arguing actually be healthy for their relationships?

Successful relationships are based on mutual respect, trust and honest two-way communication. Depending on the situation, honest two-way communication could also mean arguments or “constructive debates” (analogous to constructive feedback).

In biology, it is known that tear ducts produce tears to clean, moisten and lubricate the eyes. That keeps the eyes in good shape. Similarly, arguments can be healthy to some relationships. People may let out their negative feelings about each other be known. As a result of that, the other person knows if there is a habit that bugs you so they could change it. It helps clean the air between them, and weed out any misunderstandings that could exist between them. Also after the argument, if the relationship survives, then the two people have a new reference point to which they can point and say, “If we survived that, then we could survive the next argument.”

Plus from my experience, there are some people are amazingly unaware of things like hints, or codes or diplomatic talk, especially guys (sorry guys). They need to be told things explicitly in detailed steps; 1, 2, 3…and if you miss a step then you lose them. So if you really think about it, arguments could be used to keep a relationship healthy.

But what if arguments don’t necessarily patch up relationships? What if the relationship slowly erodes with every argument until the day something major happens and the relationship goes to a point of no-return. This usually happens when people don’t play by the rules of a healthy argument. When a ‘healthy’ argument ends, both sides need to learn the lesson that they needed to take from that argument and ‘move on’. In other words, they need to delete the argument permanently and not bring it up over and over again in future arguments. Bringing it up again is what makes the argument harmful to the relationship.

At least, that’s one way of looking at it, what do you think? Do you think that arguments could be healthy or are they always damaging?

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16 thoughts on “Relationships Worth Fighting For?

    Qassim said:
    June 25, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    From my own experience Arguments changed me. It made me a different person and opened my eyes into things that I’d have never figured out by myself. The thing it has to be done with both parties knowing beforehand that it is going to HURT, really HURT. I agree if you can live through this, then you’ll be able to big things in the future. It also shows that both can trust each other in tougher situations. I admit that guys, in general, don’t get it. They need to be told straight in the face, but on the other hand they don’t get emotionally destroyed, so it is balanced.

    I think Arguments will only work for “the relationships worth fighting for”.

    “When a ‘healthy’ argument ends, both sides need to learn the lesson that they needed to take from that argument and ‘move on’. In other words, they need to delete the argument permanently and not bring it up again over and over again in future arguments. Bringing it up again is what makes the argument harmful to the relationship.”………can’t agree more

    nhudamer said:
    June 26, 2011 at 3:29 am

    The way I see it is, if we don’t really care about something, we don’t bother fighting about it. So if we don’t care about someone, we don’t really bother fighting with them. It’s just that too many arguments aren’t healthy. You get really tired after a while and the appeal of the drama just fades. It’s like meh. So we should keep the arguments for the true couple of times they’re needed =P

    Sanaa Diab said:
    June 26, 2011 at 4:43 am

    Aminaaation….
    I have to say that everything has two sides… arguments, healthy ones, can be great for building your personality and your relationship with that person… but usually arguments are destructive , simply because we always have in our mind that “I am right and I won’t listen to you” .. its a human nature… when we reach a level where things are negotiable , when we accept that others can have a different opinion that they are pretty much convinced about like we r… and when such opinions do not affect anyone, then an argument can be a good thing… but in my opinion, most cases it is not. Because as I said again, ppl don’t easily accept that someone is different and they would like to change that, SPECIALLY, if the opposing opinion affects your life directly (for example, your husband thinks you shouldn’t work, then his opinion sadly can be enforced on you and thus that is no way healthy)

    Khadra said:
    June 26, 2011 at 5:59 am

    In my point of view any relationship, arguments should be there at least I feel that I am in relationship that my partner cares about the matters that we point out, but what matters to me is how we end the arguments, we should not look at it as win-lose situation and that the argument should not turn into violence instead one of us or both of us should compromise and what makes the ending of each argument beautiful is that you compromise no matter who is wrong or right, but is there any relationships as such *sigh* maybe there is lool.

    yara610 said:
    June 26, 2011 at 6:14 am

    Mmm. As they say , arguments are the salt of a relationship! A little bit of them makes it better , but too much of them just ruins it. I think arguments are healthy if they were between a couple who have good communication , and who accept and respect others opinions. But if one of them were stubborn/ pointless, then the relationship by time will be weaker, there would be less respect, and maybe hatred will start having its way through!
    That’s why we always see a partner who sacrifices (i.e. nods and let go an argument) just to keep the relationship stable; most commonly when kids are involved.

    Mohamed Dabbagh said:
    June 26, 2011 at 11:27 am

    I once read an article written by Oprah, yes the one that goes on the television, she was reporting and commenting on a recent study, the study simply says: “Less verbal communications, better relationship” and says “Both partys should try to put themselves in the other party’s situation, in order to understand the other”. The study was basically done twice, one before asking couples to try the above, and another after 6 month of the couples trying hard to do the above.

    Muna said:
    June 26, 2011 at 11:51 am

    I don’t know why I find the statement a bit confusing…..

    You fight with someone because they are worth fighting for?

    I mean… you fight with them about stuff… because they are worth the fight for the thing you believe in or because they are worthy at your heart?

    meaning … you would fight with someone if you cared more about that person? …. ??? or because you believe in something really bad and that person is worth believing in the same thing ……………… ??

    I don’t understand the structure of the statement 😛

    nhudamer’s comment seems to clarify the confusion a bit… but I still think there is something wrong in the way that statement is phrased…. 😛

      AH responded:
      June 26, 2011 at 12:01 pm

      Muna, the statement means that when someone means a lot to u , u fight with them to keep them

        Muna said:
        June 26, 2011 at 2:21 pm

        ok… didn’t see that at all in the statement, hehe 😛

    MG said:
    June 26, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    It certainly depends on the person(s). Some people argue lots, or it may sound negative ot others but to them completely normal. Others may never fight at all. I suppose it’s completely dependent on your character and how you deal with things you don’t agree with or want to change. In any case, very good read, and definitely part of everyday life in everyone! Thanks

    AH responded:
    June 26, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Thanks everyone for your comments…

    Ali5andro said:
    June 26, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Arguments are always pretty healthy, and from my experience, what is even worse than the heated argument is the SILENCE and leaving things go wrongly as are.

    AH responded:
    June 26, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    @Ali I totally agree with that

    Nooran Drak said:
    June 26, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    I agree… Healthy arguments are good in relationships… But for them to be healthy… points have to be discussed, views understood and then the whole thing forgotten.. if not forgotten at least never brought up again….

    Great 1 as usual Amina 🙂

    A Family Worth Fighting For « A Heart's Echoes said:
    June 27, 2011 at 9:34 am

    […] up on Relationships worth fighting for, let’s focus today on family. The equations of family relationships are supposed to be the […]

    Overview of June’s posts « A Heart's Echoes said:
    June 29, 2011 at 8:41 am

    […] a lot to say on that one. Following that was a transition from job issues to relationship issues on Relationships Worth Fighting for and Family Worth Fighting For. And finally the month ended with some productivity tools to help you […]

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