The other day I read a very interesting quote on my twitter feed. Somebody had posted, “You fight with the most important people in your life because those are the relationships worth fighting for.”
It made me think, how true is that statement?
Think about it. When two people find themselves in a heated argument, screaming angry words at each other about how “you are wrong, and I am right” does that necessarily translate to being dentrimental to their relationship? Or could arguing actually be healthy for their relationships?
Successful relationships are based on mutual respect, trust and honest two-way communication. Depending on the situation, honest two-way communication could also mean arguments or “constructive debates” (analogous to constructive feedback).
In biology, it is known that tear ducts produce tears to clean, moisten and lubricate the eyes. That keeps the eyes in good shape. Similarly, arguments can be healthy to some relationships. People may let out their negative feelings about each other be known. As a result of that, the other person knows if there is a habit that bugs you so they could change it. It helps clean the air between them, and weed out any misunderstandings that could exist between them. Also after the argument, if the relationship survives, then the two people have a new reference point to which they can point and say, “If we survived that, then we could survive the next argument.”
Plus from my experience, there are some people are amazingly unaware of things like hints, or codes or diplomatic talk, especially guys (sorry guys). They need to be told things explicitly in detailed steps; 1, 2, 3…and if you miss a step then you lose them. So if you really think about it, arguments could be used to keep a relationship healthy.
But what if arguments don’t necessarily patch up relationships? What if the relationship slowly erodes with every argument until the day something major happens and the relationship goes to a point of no-return. This usually happens when people don’t play by the rules of a healthy argument. When a ‘healthy’ argument ends, both sides need to learn the lesson that they needed to take from that argument and ‘move on’. In other words, they need to delete the argument permanently and not bring it up over and over again in future arguments. Bringing it up again is what makes the argument harmful to the relationship.
At least, that’s one way of looking at it, what do you think? Do you think that arguments could be healthy or are they always damaging?