At times of uncertainty

There are parts in our paths that are plunged into darkness. We get filled with doubt and uncertainty. A friend of mine once asked, why is it that when people do things the wrong way, they get what they want but those who do it honestly, don’t? The question resonated with me and it took me a while to come up with an answer. I figured out that maybe our tests are different, uniquely-tailored. Maybe her test was to see all those people taking the wrong paths to what they desire, and see if she is going to be strong enough to stick to the right track, while their test is just to know the taste of these short-cuts and see if one day or another, they’re going to change.

Interesting enough, since I last saw her, she spoke to me telling me that the thing she was talking about; it had finally worked out, all praise is due to Allah (SWT).

So lately it has become easy to get me subdued. Blame it on the summer heat that has commenced with a fiery zeal after the spring showers or on all the horrific news headlines that are inundating my twitter time line, so I occasionally try to remind myself with this small poem I wrote once,

“I will not let anything get me down,
Whenever something starts to bother me
I imagine the wide expanse of sea and sky,
adorned by a glorious bleeding sun
I see the wide expanse of sand and sky
That show us how tiny we are in the wide scope of things
And I mutter
اللهم أرزقني حسن التوكل عليك”

 

 

This is a reminder to myself just in case I forgot.

Don’t Be Perfect, Just…

It’s been a while since I blogged, so as I sit here having my yoghurt with honey, I thought of posting one of those random ramblings just in case something useful comes out. One thing about bloggers is that when they take a hiatus, one thought keeps nagging at the back of their minds, “You haven’t written in two weeks, so your next post must be WOW! It must ROCK!” That thought puts more pressure on them and naturally extends their break, because whatever they write – or half-write – isn’t good enough for a post, and so they’d rather not publish it. I have to admit that I can be guilty of that as well. But one way to face the resistance is to just aim at publishing a bad post. Not horrible. Aim for mediocre. Just don’t aim for perfect. That way you’ll break the hiatus, overcome inertia and -hopefully – gain momentum.

I guess this is today’s message. From the short length of this post to its incomplete title, my message is, “Don’t be perfect, just try your best and you’ll be surprised.”

Did you enjoy UAE’s weather last weekend?

Brownie-like Recipe for Dealing with Bad Experiences

A lot of times we go through experiences that tend to upset us or haunt us. While they may not be entirely traumatizing, they can be really clingy. Take for example embarrassing moments that we can’t seem to forget about or people who’ve deliberately walked out of our lives we don’t seem to let go of. So today I made up a recipe for writers on how to make the best of those situations.

Ingredients

1 stick of facts (or butter)

1 cup of imagination (or sugar)

1 teaspoon of more imagination (or vanilla extract)

2 speculations (or eggs)

½ cup of characters (or all-purpose flour)

1/3 cup of setting (or Cocoa)

¼ teaspoon of conflict (or baking powder)

¼ teaspoon of theme (or salt)

Directions

1)     Start with the facts. That’s as essential as the butter-sugar-vanilla mixture when one is making brownies. You can just list the chronological order of the incident as bullet points but at the beginning just stick to the facts.

2)     Speculate. Add your speculations and judgements. Realize that while the details of the incident may be laid out as facts, a lot of how feel about it comes from our pre-conceived notions, background and experiences. During your speculation stage, try to look at the incident from other point of views, and challenge any assumptions you might have made about it. In other words, beat them together the way you would beat the eggs.

These first two points deal with the plot of whatever story you’re going to write out of the life incident. Next we move to the rest of the story.

3)     Draw up characters and give them names. The thing with us writers is that sometimes we don’t really understand a situation until we put it down on paper. It’s true we tend to think of paper.

4)     In the case where we’re turning this incident into a work of fiction, this is the point where we add elements that would fluff it up a bit the way the baking powder would. But since stories have to have setting and themes, you have to add cocoa and salt to the baking powder and stir together.

5)     Get into the zone the way a baking pan would get into an oven heated to 350 oF. Call it the creative zone, call it whatever…Let the story grow its own legs and take you in different directions if it must. You might start at a true-life incident and end with something that you would never do in real life, but would fill you with satisfaction.

And by that, you might have a story that was inspired by a clingy incident, and you would realize why the incident was so clingy in the first place (maybe its purpose was to act as inspiration for a piece of art and it wouldn’t let you go until you wrote it). Also whenever the incident comes up, you’ll end up thinking about your piece of art, and you might be so consumed by the piece of art to be bothered by the real incident.

Alternatively, just use the recipe between the lines, bake some brownies and enjoy eating them.

(c) alisdair

If Every Action has an Opposite Reaction

In physics, one common question is, If every action has an equal and opposite reaction why don’t they cancel out? The main reason is because they are acting on two different objects.
In social dynamics, every action does not necessary have an equal and opposite reaction in the first place and even if it did exist they are both related to different people so the action (or reaction) force gets amplified or diminished based on individual factors like the person’s background, personality, etc…
For instance, you do something nice for somebody (action). You expect them to thank you at the same magnitude of the thing you did for them (reaction). But they don’t because of some reason, maybe they are not used to show gratitude or maybe they think whatever you did was their right. Whatever the reason does that mean that due to the lack of reaction you should stop doing the action?
Not necessary since your action should really be independent of their reaction (the two forces act on different objects or in this case- differpeople). Basically you’ll be held accountable by Allah (SWT) for your own actions, and not other people’s.

Photo credit; Newton’s Cradle by hellolapomme on Flickr

Broken Promises

When I was in high school, I had a friend who told me, “Promise me that we’ll always keep in touch.”
My answer was pretty blunt and frank,” I don’t make promises.”
I think she got pissed off but I told her not to take it personally, it was a general rule I didn’t break back then. I didn’t make promises in fear of one day having to break them. And I’m glad I didn’t promise her because we grew up and grew apart, and oh well, that’s life.

It’s amazing the effect that broken promises have on children. Some grow up to believe that promises are made to be broken,while others grow up with such personal rules; not making promises lest they have to break them. It’s like they may have adults around them telling them, “We will,” and “okay, insha’Allah,” and “I promise you that…”

Then nothing materializes, and the adult hopes that the child forgets, when sometimes the child doesn’t really forget, but they find themselves continuously  in a series of daydreams taking pictures with mickeymouse by their side because of the parent’s promise to take them to DisneyLand. Then when it doesn’t happen, the disappointment is so immense that they turn into teenagers and stop trusting their parents or other adults in their lives.

But then again broken promises don’t end at childhood. They continue well towards young adulthood, especially when guys promise girls they’ll marry them only to bolt out the door at the closest exit sign, thinking that the girls should have seen it coming anyway. Then if asked, “why did you make such a promise?” They would justify it by saying, “I was just telling her what she wanted to hear.”

Then they grow up, and get married, and the husband promises to love, cherish and never cheat, blah blah blah, then one of them gets the shock of their lives when the vows get thrown into the garbage disposer because situations change, they’re always fighting over money issues or children issues, and they end up going their separate ways.

So basically, situations might change and people tend to break promises, because they make the promise at a mindset that is different from the mindset at which the promise is broken. So sometimes the best thing that somebody can do for you is not make you a promise. They’re guarding your heart from future pain and disappointment because they know that situations might change, and breaking the promise would be inevitable, so they’d rather not make it. They’re not really being cynical but realistic (but don’t all cynics say that anyway *hehehe*). Especially when they have a lifetime experience of broken promises and having to carry the broken wings of a fallen bird called Hope, trying to nurse it into health only to discover that it was actually dead.

 

• Hadeeth of the Day

• Narrated by Ibn Aamir: My mother called me once, whilst the Prophet (peace be upon him)
  was at our home and she said, “Come here, I will give you something.”  Thereupon the Prophet (peace be upon
  him) asked,  ”What did you want to give to him?”  She replied, “Dates.”  The Prophet then
  said, “Had you not given him anything, it would have been recorded as a lie.”
  دعتْني أُمي يومًا ورسولُ اللهِ صلى اللهُ عليه وسلم قاعدٌ في بيتِنا
  فقالتْ: ها تعالَ أُعطيكَ فقال لها رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليهِ وسلَّمَ وما أردتِ أنْ تعطيهِ ؟
  قالتْ : أُعطيهِ تمرًا، فقال لها رسولُ اللهِ صلَّى اللهُ عليهِ وسلَّمَ :
  أما إنك لو لمْ تُعطيهِ شيئًا كُتبتْ عليكِ كَذِبةٌ
  الراوي: عبدالله بن عامر بن ربيعة المحدث:الألباني -
  المصدر: صحيح أبي داود – الصفحة أو الرقم: 4991
  خلاصة حكم المحدث: حسن

You’re crazy

Have you ever had someone tell you that you were crazy? Maybe you worked hard to get your degree in engineering and then you decided to go sell falafel. Or you worked hard to become a doctor only to hang your stethoscope and decided to work as a farmer.  Sometimes you’re deemed crazy because of decisions you make that others deem irrational. And what’s worse is when you try to rationalize that decision for them, which maybe you can’t because you can’t even rationalize it to yourself as it’s more the product of the heart than that of the mind…

If you’re working towards a dream, you’re probably a few steps away from many people, because not many people know what they’re passionate about, and even if they do, not many people have the courage to dream, let alone work towards their dreams. So a lot of times, they’d just try to push you back, tell you you would fail or that you are crazy, to discourage you because they feel like they’ve failed in pursuing their own dreams, or maybe they don’t even know what they want.

So if people think you’re crazy, let them be, remember Steve Jobs’ quote, “ere’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

And finally, remember the words of 15-year-old me, “Sometimes it’s crazy not to be crazy.”

“Sometimes it’s crazy not to be crazy”

The Way Forward

Moving Forward

When you’re driving, you can’t properly drive forward when you’re always looking at the rear-view mirror. This is one driving lesson that could be applied to life as well. Holding on to the anger and bitterness of the past is a limiting factor that would shackle you in your trip forward. They say, we spend so long looking at doors that are closed that we don’t even notice doors that have been opened for us. So we tend to miss out on opportunities just because we are hanging on to things that are better left forgotten.

And sometimes moving forward is not easy, not because of the baggage we carry with us, but because the road ahead is stormy. And maybe this quote by will help you cope, “Once in a while, amidst all your bad days, you’ll have a good day. A great day even. Make sure you remember those days. Keep them safely in your pockets, maybe even a jar on your desk because you need to know that there are and will be better days. You need to remember how on those days you felt warm inside, like you’ve just drunk a hot cup of tea; like a small fire was ignited inside of you. Hold on to that warmth. And never let it go.”

Forward

What Happens?

My blogger friend wrote What Happens? about how friendships can go sour and she asks the question, what happens?
Being the expert on the topic I couldn’t help but write about it as well. The thing is, change is inevitable and not all relationships can weather the storms of change in terms of geographical distance and lack of communications, and so the two people may just lose touch with each other. So basically, the first answer to what happens? Is that “Change happens.”
But sometimes it’s deeper than that as two best friends who are working together or a married couple living together become estranged because of something that one of them did; an act that causes the other person so much pain it’s like they walk around with a heart in a clutch so tight it’s like those footballs that are made out of plastic bags in Africa (the ones that have to be made tight otherwise it loses the qualities of a ball). So when the hurtful event occurs, be it cheating or lying or having their trust broken, turning away from the person becomes a matter of self-preservation because they can’t have their hearts go through that again. And that’s when a change in the relationship takes place because they say that trust is like a glass that can’t be pieced together into its original form once shattered.
So sometimes it’s a matter of two people growing apart and sometimes it’s a hurtful event that changes the relationship and sometimes it’s just a dose of reality because one realizes that they gave a relationship more value than it is worth. Take for instance a maslaha friend, one who only calls up when they need something. You might consider them a close friend while they are only using you for money or something that you have, so what happens is that you wake up to the fact that the friend is nothing but a maslaha friend and that’s when you might try to stay away, i.e. you give the friendship its true realistic value after being deceived for so long.
But you know everybody in your life is there for a reason, some will break your heart, others will open your mind, and some will do both; it’s all part of coloring your life’s experiences. And what else to say but c’est la vie.

How a broken heart can sometimes feel (Image from Ecostreet.com)

Forget fast and Forgive Faster

If there is one thing I wish someone had told my 15-year-old me, it would have been, “Forget fast, forgive faster.”
Don’t expect too much from people because they will disappoint. Sometimes they will hurt and say mean things, but don’t take their words to heart because you’re the only one hurting. Besides, the mean things that they say is not a reflection of who you are as much as it is a reflection of who they are. Also, remember that everybody’s going through their own personal battles, most of which you don’t know about, so forget fast, and forgive faster.

childhood revisited

Stand Out and Be Extraordinary

It’s funny how growing up, one of the basic needs of a teenage soul is to fit in and belong. Whether it is a certain clique or a gang, this need is so strong, some people do the strangest things just to be accepted by the in-crowd. From tying bandanas around their heads to wearing baggy pants sagging so low they might as well have been used as shackles and the spikes that give them the Sonic-The Hedgehog look. Maybe this is done out of self-preservation more than anything as being accepted would mean that others will not bully you and even if they do you’d have your own clique to protect you.

But then lately, I’ve been thinking if we ever grow out of that. Maybe it’s just the cliques that get redefined with age. Instead of rebelling against ‘society’, society becomes the new clique whose approval and acceptance we seek. I remember a high school teacher who used to say, “Everyone of you has a gold mine inside of you.”

But instead of working hard to discover the gold mine in terms of our unique gifts and talents, we tend to wear fake accessories given by others just so that people will not talk ill of us, or talk ill to us. Just so that people will put on their fake smiles and pretend to approve of us. The irony is that by us being ingenuine to ourselves we attract others to be ingenuine to us, yet can we really blame them now can we?

A friend of mine once posted; “I surprised myself today… Surprised myself by what I said and how I carried myself… A persona for the public that sounded so confident, and I almost believe I’ve found myself, that I know who I am… That I see what people see… But in an instant I fade, just like the cradled moon behind the opaque clouds like a chalk smudge on black card stock, I’m fuzzy about who I am and who I want to be… Maybe it’s my destiny to live life discovering all the way…”

So it makes me think , it’s okay to still be figuring it out. It’s an ongoing process, where we trip and stand up, where we take one step forward, two steps backwards, three steps to the side….As long as we expand our minds everyday, and keep on learning, keep on striving, keep on growing. It is much better than avoiding the pain of growth or numbing it out just so we would get the “Approval” stamp.

In response to WordPress’s Weekly Photo Challenge: Unique