There are times in the office when it feels like tiiiiiime juuuuuuust does not paaaaaaassssss. Time draaaaaaags by so slowly that you wish someone would give you a fly swatter so you can swat away flies (human flies or otherwise). Just make sure you ignore the fly that settles on Big H.’s* head.The result of hitting that fly might not be that funny.
Also, you start thinking about the summer holidays from November, and you think of lunch from 8.15 a.m. Then after lunch, you return to your office all full and sated, and stay close to the phone, lest someone out there needs you, then when that phone finally rings, and you excitedly pick it up, the person on the other end says, “Mimo? Oh sorry…wrong number.”
Here are some tips on how to kill time in the office;
1. CONSULT DR. GOOGLE. Google “bored”…If you’re still bored, google, “I’m very bored”…If you’re still bored, google, “I’m very very very very bored”…
2. SOLITAIRE CHAMPION. I know playing solitaire is one of the oldest tricks in the book. But the new idea is that when you win for the umpteenth time (since you can probably play it in your sleep by now) and it asks you, “Do you want to play again?” answer “No.” Then close the screen, go to the start menu and open it again. Repeat this process every single time you play, and that shall help time pass you by.
3. PRINTING DELAY. When you’re given a 10-page assignment or a 30-page report to finish, work on it quickly. However, when it comes to printing, print it one page at a time so you have a reason to spring off your chair every minute and rush to the printer. This will give the impression that you’re a very busy person even though you’re actually printing the same document. Also, intentionally causing paper jams will get you more time as you’d need to call the technician for help.
4. GET DIZZY (NOT BUSY). Take off your shoes, go around and around and around in your swivel chair, until you get dizzy and have an excuse to go home early.
5. EMAIL FORWARD VERIFICATION. Verify all the email forwards you receive by checking how true they are on TruthOrFiction.com
6. ACT WEIRD. Make a long chain out of paper clips, and when someone asks you what you’re doing, tell them to, “Shhhhh! I’m working on a piece of art here.” When you’re done with your chain, make shapes out of it.
7. ACT WEIRDER. Make paper airplanes and throw them around in the office. (Again, avoid Big H.’s head). (NOTE: if you do steps (6) and (7), most probably, you might be granted official leave on the grounds that you need to take a trip to a mental institution).
8. COUNT COMB TEETH. Get a comb like the one below and count how many teeth it has. The closer the teeth are to each other, the more time this process shall take, since most probably you’ll lose count, and you’ll start counting again and again and again.
9. COUNT YOUR OWN TEETH. Don’t ask me what the purpose of this exercise is; just check if all your teeth are still there, maybe.
10. CHANGE OFFICE TIMINGS. Sneak into the office at night and move the hands of all the wall clocks backwards, then use it as a permanent excuse to answer why you’re always late.If someone points out their computer screen time, tell them, “It’s 10 a.m.? Really? It says 8 a.m. on my wristwatch. I’m sorry, but I’m a little bit old-fashioned, and my wristwatch is calibrated to the wall clock so…” shrug. During lunch hour, move the hands of all wall clocks forward. Repeat this exercise everyday.
PLEASE NOTE THAT IDEAS ON THIS BLOG ARE TO BE TAKEN AT YOUR OWN RISK.
*terminology introduced in The New Kid In The Block Syndrome (Part 1).